Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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