yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Pappa wants mamma naked
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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