the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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