eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
