I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
