Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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