We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
