If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize