Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
