oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
