She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
