I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
