you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize