so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
