the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
