Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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