Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
