if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
