you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
