let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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