Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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