grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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