i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
