he wants to bone in the snuggie
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize