I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
