My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
