Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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