The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
