oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
