I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
