Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I still have a little drunk in my system
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
