I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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