Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
