a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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