ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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