why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
