I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
