So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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