How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize