I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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