Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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