does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
