If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just googled if crying burns calories
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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