Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
