I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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