i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
