you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
