i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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