Yo dont text me then not text me
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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