apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
please come you make the beer taste better
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
