i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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