Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
