dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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