you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
