Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
A+ Viking dick
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
