one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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