you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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