I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize