I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
