i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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