I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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