Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
