i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
