omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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