I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
