Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
