you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Sober January is a disaster.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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