there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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