I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize