It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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