Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
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The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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