If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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