Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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