I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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