If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
love makes seman taste better
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
