Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
