when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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