I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
