Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
