My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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