He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
