Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
