The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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