So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
