all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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