I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
