I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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