my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
