My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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