How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
