the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
