she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
