With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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