I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
